Updated 9th March 2026 | Fact checked by Jess Knauf, Co-founder, Family Law Service
Key takeaways
- Mediation and domestic abuse do not always have to be incompatible, but safety must come first, and there are important rules to protect you.
- If there has been domestic abuse, you may qualify for a MIAM exemption, meaning you are not required to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting before applying to court.
- A trained mediator must carry out separate, confidential screening before any joint session, and can stop the process at any point if it is not safe.
- If you are applying for a C100 and want to claim a MIAM exemption for domestic abuse, you will need to provide evidence in the right format.
- Getting support from a legal adviser before, during, or instead of mediation can help you make a safer, more informed choice about what to do next.
Can You Use Mediation if There’s Been Domestic Abuse?
Mediation and domestic abuse is one of the most important and sensitive topics in family law. If you are trying to sort out child arrangements or finances after a separation, and there has been abuse, you need to understand your options, your rights, and how to protect yourself throughout the process.
This article is for parents in England and Wales who are considering mediation, thinking about applying to court using a C100 form, or who have been told they need to attend a MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting) before they can apply. We will explain what the rules say, when you do not have to go to mediation, and what happens if you decide to try it anyway.
This is general information, not personal legal advice. If you are worried about your safety, please read carefully and consider speaking to someone who can help you assess your specific situation.
What is a MIAM, and why does it matter here?
Before most people can apply to court for a Child Arrangements Order or other family orders in England and Wales, they are required to attend a MIAM. A MIAM is a short, private meeting with an accredited family mediator. It is not a joint session with your ex-partner. It is simply a meeting where the mediator explains what mediation involves and whether it might be suitable for your situation.
The idea is that court should be a last resort. Mediation is supposed to give people a chance to reach agreements without the stress and cost of a full court hearing.
But what if the reason you are going to court is because there has been domestic abuse? This is where the MIAM exemption comes in.
The MIAM exemption for domestic abuse: do you have to attend?
No, not always. There is a legal exemption that means some people do not have to attend a MIAM before applying to court. Domestic abuse is one of the grounds for a MIAM exemption.
Under the Family Procedure Rules, you can apply to court without attending a MIAM if you or your child have been the victim of domestic abuse carried out by the prospective respondent (the other party in the case). This exemption recognises that asking someone to sit in the same building, or even nearby rooms, as their abuser to discuss mediation could put them at serious risk.
However, you cannot simply tick a box and skip the MIAM without any supporting evidence. You need to be able to show that domestic abuse has taken place.
What evidence do you need for a MIAM exemption?
The C100 form asks you to confirm the ground for your exemption and to provide supporting evidence. For domestic abuse, accepted evidence includes:
- A letter or report from the police, confirmed caution, charge, or conviction
- A letter from a doctor, nurse, midwife, health visitor, or other healthcare professional
- A letter from a domestic abuse support organisation, such as an IDVA (Independent Domestic Violence Adviser)
- A protective injunction, such as a non-molestation order or occupation order
- A letter from social services or a social worker
- A letter from a refuge or other specialist support service
- A letter from a solicitor acting for you in proceedings relating to the abuse
- Findings of fact made by a court in any legal proceedings
The list is set out in Practice Direction 3A to the Family Procedure Rules. You can read the current guidance on the Judiciary website.
If you do not have formal evidence but you have experienced abuse, it is still worth speaking to a specialist before giving up on the exemption. Some organisations can provide the letters needed, and a legal adviser can help you understand what applies to your situation.
Sarah’s story: applying for a C100 after leaving an abusive relationship
Sarah left her marriage after years of controlling behaviour and physical abuse. She had two children and wanted to apply for a Child Arrangements Order, but she had been told she needed to attend a MIAM first. She was frightened at the idea of being in the same building as her ex-partner. When she came to Family Law Service, we helped her understand that she likely qualified for a MIAM exemption. She had a letter from her GP and records of a police callout. We supported her in completing her C100 accurately, including the exemption section, so she could apply to court without attending a MIAM. She was relieved to find out she did not have to face that hurdle before the court would consider her application. The court process was still difficult, but she felt far better prepared.
What if you want to try mediation despite the history of abuse?
Some people, even where there has been abuse, do want to explore whether mediation might be possible. This is entirely understandable. Court is slow, expensive, and stressful. For some people, with the right safeguards in place, mediation and domestic abuse do not have to be entirely incompatible, as long as safety is the overriding priority.
It is important to understand that a professional mediator has a duty to screen for domestic abuse before any joint session takes place. This is not optional. Under the Family Mediation Council’s Code of Practice, all accredited mediators in England and Wales must carry out a separate, private assessment session with each person before bringing them together.
What does mediator screening involve?
At the MIAM or initial meeting, the mediator will speak to you privately about your situation. They will ask questions to understand whether there has been any abuse, coercive control, or other safety concerns. This is sometimes called a domestic abuse screening or a DASH risk assessment.
Based on that conversation, the mediator will decide whether it is safe and appropriate to continue with mediation at all. If they have any concerns about your safety, they have a professional duty to stop the process. A good mediator will not pressure you into joint sessions if the situation is not safe.
What safeguards can be put in place?
If mediation is considered appropriate and you are willing to try, various safeguards can be used, including:
- Shuttle mediation: you and your ex-partner are in completely separate rooms, and the mediator moves between you. You never have to be in the same room.
- Separate arrival and departure times to avoid contact in the waiting area or car park.
- Online mediation via video call, so you never have to be in the same building.
- A support person attending with you, depending on the mediator’s policy.
These safeguards can make a significant difference. But they are only appropriate where the mediator has assessed the situation and the risk is manageable. In cases involving serious, ongoing abuse or significant fear, mediation is unlikely to be suitable at all.
We often see parents who have been through incredibly difficult relationships and are worried about what comes next. The most important thing to know is that the law has specific protections in place for people in these situations. You should never feel forced into a process that puts you at risk, and there are options available to help you move forward safely.”
Jess Knauf, Co-founder at Family Law Service
What counts as domestic abuse for these purposes?
It is worth knowing that domestic abuse is defined broadly in the law. Under the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, abuse includes:
- Physical or sexual abuse
- Violent or threatening behaviour
- Controlling or coercive behaviour
- Economic abuse (controlling access to money or resources)
- Psychological, emotional, or other abuse
The abuse does not have to have been physical. Coercive control, financial abuse, and psychological abuse all count. The abuse also does not have to be recent, though having more recent evidence will generally make your application stronger.
You can find more information about the legal definition and what support is available through GOV.UK’s domestic abuse guidance.
Need help completing your C100 or understanding the MIAM exemption? Our fixed-fee services cover C100 form completion, court-prep meetings and case reviews, so you do not have to work it all out alone.
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What if the other party claims there was no abuse?
This is a common and difficult situation. If you claim a MIAM exemption based on domestic abuse and the other party disputes it, the court can look into the matter. In some cases, a finding of fact hearing may take place, where the court hears evidence and decides whether abuse occurred.
This can feel daunting, but courts in England and Wales take domestic abuse allegations seriously. Judges are trained to handle these situations carefully. Practice Direction 12J sets out how courts should approach cases where domestic abuse is alleged.
If you are facing this situation, getting legal support, whether that is a legal advice session, a case review, or help understanding what to expect, can make a real difference to how prepared and confident you feel going into proceedings.
Can the court impose mediation even if there has been abuse?
No. Courts in England and Wales cannot force anyone to attend mediation. Mediation is voluntary. Judges can encourage it, and they can note if a party has refused to engage without good reason, but they cannot order you into mediation against your will.
If a judge suggests mediation and you have safety concerns, you are entitled to raise those concerns. Having a legal adviser help you articulate those concerns clearly, either in writing or at a hearing, can be very helpful.
Occupation orders and non-molestation orders: protecting yourself legally
If you are in an unsafe situation, there are legal orders that can protect you while any family court proceedings are underway. These include:
- Non-molestation orders: these prevent your ex-partner from contacting or harassing you. Breaching one is a criminal offence.
- Occupation orders: these can regulate who lives in, or has access to, the family home.
These are applied for using the FL401 form. Family Law Service can support you with the preparation of FL401 applications.
If you are in immediate danger, please contact the police. If you need urgent support, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (run by Refuge) is available 24 hours a day on 0808 2000 247.
What about the children’s welfare during all of this?
When domestic abuse has occurred in a household with children, the court’s focus will be on the children’s welfare above all else. CAFCASS (the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) may be involved, particularly in disputed child arrangements cases. A CAFCASS officer may speak to you, the other parent, and sometimes the children, before making a recommendation to the court.
It is important to be open and honest with CAFCASS about any domestic abuse. Their job is to make sure the children are safe and their needs are met, and they take abuse allegations seriously. You can read more about what CAFCASS does on the CAFCASS website.
What if your children have witnessed abuse?
Witnessing domestic abuse is recognised as a form of harm to children in its own right. The court will take this into account when considering what child arrangements to order. It does not automatically mean the other parent will have no contact with the children, but the arrangements will be designed to keep the children safe. In some cases, contact may be supervised, or limited.
Summary
If domestic abuse has taken place, the law in England and Wales gives you important protections when it comes to mediation and domestic abuse situations. You are not automatically required to attend a MIAM, and you should never feel forced into a process that puts your safety at risk.
Whether you want to claim a MIAM exemption, explore safer forms of mediation, or go straight to court with the right forms and support, understanding your options is the first and most important step.
- A MIAM exemption for domestic abuse means you may not have to attend a MIAM before applying to court using a C100.
- You will generally need supporting evidence, such as a letter from a GP, police record, or domestic abuse organisation.
- If you choose to explore mediation, the mediator must screen for abuse privately and separately, and can stop the process if it is not safe.
- Occupation orders and non-molestation orders can protect you legally while proceedings are ongoing.
- Fixed-fee legal support, such as that offered by Family Law Service, can help you understand your position and complete the right paperwork, without the cost of a traditional solicitor.
Frequently asked questions about mediation and domestic abuse
Do I have to attend a MIAM if there has been domestic abuse?
Not necessarily. Domestic abuse is one of the recognised grounds for a MIAM exemption under the Family Procedure Rules in England and Wales. If you can provide supporting evidence of the abuse, you can indicate on your C100 form that you are claiming this exemption and apply to court without attending a MIAM first. It is a good idea to get advice on what evidence you will need before you apply.
What evidence do I need to prove domestic abuse for a MIAM exemption?
Accepted evidence includes letters from a GP, health visitor, or other healthcare professional, police records, letters from domestic abuse support services, non-molestation or occupation orders, letters from social services, or findings made by a court. The full list is set out in Practice Direction 3A. If you are not sure what evidence you have, speaking to a domestic abuse support service or a legal adviser can help you identify what is available to you.
Can a mediator refuse to continue if they think mediation is not safe?
Yes. Accredited family mediators in England and Wales are required by the Family Mediation Council’s Code of Practice to carry out a private domestic abuse screening before any joint session takes place. If the mediator believes mediation would not be safe for one or both parties, they have a duty to stop the process. You should never be pressured into joint sessions if you have safety concerns.
What is shuttle mediation and is it safer in domestic abuse cases?
Shuttle mediation is where you and the other party are in separate rooms throughout, and the mediator moves between you to pass on information and proposals. You never have to be face-to-face. Online mediation via video call can offer similar separation. These formats can make mediation more accessible in some cases, but they are only appropriate where the mediator has assessed the situation and believes mediation is safe enough to proceed.
Can I apply for a non-molestation order and still go through family court proceedings?
Yes. A non-molestation order and family court proceedings can run alongside each other. A non-molestation order is a protective measure that prevents the other party from contacting or harassing you. It does not affect your right to apply for a Child Arrangements Order or other family orders. In fact, having a non-molestation order in place can also be used as evidence to support a MIAM exemption claim.
Does coercive control count as domestic abuse for family court purposes?
Yes. Under the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, coercive and controlling behaviour is recognised as a form of domestic abuse. This means it can be a valid basis for claiming a MIAM exemption and will be taken seriously by the court in any related family proceedings. Courts follow Practice Direction 12J when dealing with cases where domestic abuse is alleged, which covers physical abuse, coercive control, and other forms of harm.
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